All the Buzz

Hello Deborah! Thank you for allowing me to spotlight you on All the Buzz!

Please tell me about Shadow Living.

Shadow Living…Paintings of Grief is a heart-warming story about learning to live and survive during the first year after my husband’s death. It’s the sequel to my first book I Feel Okay, where I describe my husband’s journey around the country to find a physician to help him find a cure to the menacing disease of primary amyloidosisis.

As I dealt with grief and grieving, I intimately describe and examine the stages of the grieving process of shock, denial, anger, fear, bargaining, depression and acknowledgement—telling my story through the eyes of my pain and sorrow. I decided to tell my story because I didn’t find any accounts that discussed grieving in the context I wanted it discussed in the marketplace and I felt my story would be helpful to others to hear about my path to healing and peace.

In Shadow Living…Paintings of Grief the reader lives my pain, feel my anxiety, and walks with me through my sorrow as I learn to live without Clyde’s physical presence in my life. With God as my refuge and strength, I emerge from the shadows of grief to a life of renewed hope with a mission to help others find their pathway to healing and peace.

How painful was it for you to write this story?

My first book, I Feel Okay was the most painful to write. Without a doubt, the first few pages of writing were heart-wrenching. I could barely see the screen and type the words as the tears streamed from my eyes. But I suffered through the pain and sorrow and continued to write my husband’s painful story so others could learn and grow from our tragedy to healing and hope.

How long did it take for you to actually sit down and write this story, after the death of your husband?

It took about three months to write the first draft of I Feel Okay, but about six months to write Shadow Living…Paintings of Grief. In I Feel Okay, I spoke about Clyde and his disease and the family’s reaction and support of him, but in Shadow Living…Paintings of Grief I faced my own incredible sorrow, and there were times I hesitated in writing my story. In the end though, I pressed on and faced my anguish and sorrow, and when I finished the first draft, I knew I had grown enormously—emotionally and spiritually in my determination to help others through my inspirational writings.

Do you feel the writing of this story, as well as I Feel Okay, helped you in your grieving/healing?

I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but my heart healed as I wrote the words in both books as I described the pain and sorrow of losing someone to death. In the beginning my mission was to write our story in order to help others along their journey of pain and despair, but by the end of my journey of sharing our family’s pain and triumphs to the world, I was facing my grief at a much deeper level and had a greater appreciation for God and His Son, Jesus Christ for helping me to heal and help others through my testimony.

What message do you have for those who are dealing with the loss of a loved one? What about for those who may not be grieving now, but will in the future since death affects us all?

Grief is very personal and it affects people differently. It’s very important that the person understands that it’s okay to grieve. Grieving is a natural part of living and death and disappointments will affects us all. Don’t hide from grief—face and deal with your pain and learn about your situation by understanding the various stages of grieving to include shock, denial, anger, fear, bargaining, depression, and acknowledgment. Many folks have given Shadow Living…Paintings of Grief as a gift to others in hope that my words will help their loved ones be better able to cope with the tragedy of death, loss of a job, divorce, or other life situations

If a person feels so inclined, I would suggest they join a grief therapy group and talk and share with others about their pain. Believe me, talking about your inner feelings will help you put a face to grief. Grief is real and it should be treated as so.

Who or what do you give the most credit to for helping you through your grieving and healing process?

I give all the credit to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for healing my pain of grief. Life is hard and many situations will befall us all, but God will wipe away all tears and He will give us the strength to carry on—even in the midst of losing a loved one, losing a job, going through a divorce, or other tragic moments in our lives. God also gives us physicians, therapists, and others support to help us heal physiologically and psychologically. I still hurt and miss my husband. Clyde will always be part of me and my family, but with God as my strength and shield, he has carried me through my valley of sorrow to a place of healing and peace where my family and I can go on with our lives, and for this peace, I’m very thankful.

I know that we all deal with grief in different ways. What do you believe is the most crucial step to take to begin the healing process?

I believe the most crucial step in the healing process is acknowledging that you are grieving. I have talked with many people along this journey and one of the things that I hear time after time is that they didn’t understand what was happening to them, but once they acknowledged that they were grieving they were able to work through their grief much better—having a far better understanding of the grieving process.

Once acknowledged they could pinpoint to a greater degree where they were in their grieving process and to work through it with a more global understanding that grief is truly work with no magical number of days or years in which to end.

Do you have a motto or Bible verse that you repeat to yourself daily that helps you in your journey?

I have several favorite Bible scriptures, but the one that has helped me through my good and bad days is Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and He shall direct thy path.” I quoted this scripture throughout Shadow Living…Paintings of Grief and held onto God’s assurance that he would see me through my sorrow of losing my husband at the age of 40 years old. I placed my trust in him and he has sustained me. God’s words are sure.

When readers read the last page of Shadow Living, what do you hope they take away from it?

The message I tried to convey was that grief is universal and it affects everyone differently. Though grief might not be an easy journey—it’s a necessary journey of life that one must travel and through the grieving process, one can find the strength and the courage to face life once again with renewed hope and in abundant peace and love.

It’s important to surround yourself with family and friend and lean absolutely on God’s unchanging hand to help you with this transitional phase of life. With God as your refuge and strength He will lead you to the other side where you can experience hope, love, and sunshine on your face again.

Do you plan to write more motivational/inspirational stories, either fiction or non-fiction?

Yes, I have created a collection of soul-stirring short stories that capture signature moments of my family while growing up in the 1950s and 1960s. The stories will make you smile, some will make you cry, and some of them will evoke a genuine appreciation and love for family, home, and honest work. I do have plans to write a couple of inspirational fiction stories to be released sometime after 2010, but in the meantime, I’m enjoy writing inspirational nonfiction about stories that uplift and edify the spirit of life.

Thank you again for chatting with me on All the Buzz! It was truly a pleasure and I wish you much success in all that you do.